Hello brothers and sisters,
I ask an apology for not writing sooner. What happens is that it takes me a long time to write because I have to think in English.
I want to tell you that many things have happened. As you know, December 10th was my birthday, and like every year, many thoughts come to mind. I remember my past and everything that happened to me. I know that my birthday should be something to rejoice, but there is so much I have to heal. For example, I do not like the idea of having to spend a weekend with my birth mother, I hate having to look into her eyes and see the pain she has in her heart. I hate having to remember everything I saw, heard and lived with her. My mom (Julie) told me I have to allow God to restore my life and heal the wounds in my heart. But guess what? I did not listen to her and I thought she was crazy. But, she is right! Time is passing, and I am realizing that while I'm stupid and I keep resisting for God to heal my heart, Satan is having a party.He is making fun of me, of my pain and I'm sure he is saying, ¨ If I could not see her prostituting on the streets, taking drugs, drinking beer and dead, I´ll see her suffering every time she remembers her past. Where she came from and what her God allowed to happen¨ I can hardly recognize that God allowed everything that happens, because He is faithful and I know He has something wonderful for my life. Satan can no longer harm me because I am a child of God. He is my Savior, my Refuge, my Strength, my Life, my Lord, my all. The Bible says ¨I know, O LORD, that thy judgments are right, And that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me. Psalm 119:75¨
Don't you think it is wonderful that God loves us so much that in His loyalty He afflicted us so that we can grow? I think so. God is so great that he knows what is best for us. He loved me first, so I must love my mom. He forgave me first, so I must do the same thing to her. God died for all people, He loved the whole world.He makes the sun rise for fair and bad people. He sent his Son Jesus to pay for the sins of all people. So why not love those who hurt me? It is very difficult to accept that I have to love and forgive my mom, but I know is the right thing to do. I do not promise that I will not think about my past. But I do promise that I will not let Satan use my past to hurt me. No, not anymore. I ask you guys to pray for me and my family. God is good with us, we are great here at the Refuge, but we (all of us) need God to heal our hearts, so that we can be and do what He wants us to be and do.
Love you guys lots, God bless you and your families.
Diana♥
